5 - 1 = 0

It has been 4 days... And I am still totally off... This is a nightmare!!!

It's scary how much I let Arashi root in my life in past 6 years....

In the Sunday of the announcement I cried, lost my appetite, lost track of the time. I was like that movie Gravity: floating in the space without strings... A floating zumbi...

The Monday was the b***h!!! I was hoarse because of all the weeping. But I still could listen to their songs, although I  knew that the worst had yet to come when all that s**t started really to sit down...

Soon my private Apocalypse would begin...

Now, their songs are so bittersweet that hurt! So effing much!!!

I started to think about what a Planet Earth without Arashi would be.... THE HELL!!!!

During the past few days, during the daily rush of my life, very often, I felt a weight in the chest, a difficulty to breath, a sadness... And then I asked myself: "What's wrong? Why am I feeling like ... as I was grieving?". And then I remembered! I have no Arashi! And it's like that all the time... Since Sunday.

The longing for this is already inside me, and I am going to die of longing them!!! And you know why? Because there is no other Idol Group so spectacular like them, and I surrendered entirely to them!!! And so, when the 2020.12.31 come the pain will be excruciating!!!!

My beloved angels want me to seize each day of the next 2 years. To enjoy the time we still have with them. Gosh! This is so like hundreds of love Jdramas/Jmovies that I've watched! To keep on smiling until the end... Just like the musicians at Titanic... Well, right now I can only think that there won't exist anymore that magical 5!!! That amazing energy that come from the simple fact that they are 5!!!

It seems now that I am in the place of so many other fans that had their object of adoration gone. They also thought that their Idols were awesome! And, maybe, like me, they also thought that their beloved Group would last until the end of times! After all, the Rolling Stones made it, right?

It's possible that the remain four will be in the Jimusho: beside news zero, Sho can do dramas, movies, ads, just like Neen and Aiba, that also have their own shows. Jun can be used in productions by the Jimusho, beside dramas, movies, ads. They might appear on magazines from time to time, BUT IT WILL NOT BE THE SAME THING! It not be my 5 colored rainbow!

There is ZERO rationality in my fangirling feelings. I am down. In the pit bottom. How is it possible to love a GROUP so much that the mere mention of them, a simple glance at them, bring tears to the eyes and the heart starts to race!!!

I loved them for years. I dreamed of them. Being an international fan really sucks!!!! I could only dream of them! And now... What will be the future of this? 

They were dealing with that conflict since June 2017, while smiling to us... Gosh!!! How I love these boys!!! Thank Heavens for their friendship!!! I need that "5x20"  song, right now!!!!

Oh... I am bleeding.... 

There tons of songs, dramas, movies, live concerts, variety shows' episodes, ads, with them that I need to catch up!!!! I haven't watched to Kaibutsu-kun yet!!! Can you believe that??? I will never forgive me for that!!! What I am going to do without those adorable drop-shaped eyes? Those gorgeous hands? That heavenly voice? Those fantastic dance moves? That awkwardness?.... I need my little Leader!

Dear Satoshi... You have been wanting to quit Johnny's for soooo long! Since Kyoto. Too bad that during all these years we fell real bad for you!!! You who craves for a non-celebrity life. And now you say that you've been thinking about quitting since 3 years ago...  It must be because of "the day before Blast in Miyagi" thing!!! It has to be!!!!

I am so ill that I can find relief in the fact that Jun said that this is not a disbanding!! That Rīdā said that he was going to quit, but the Jimusho suggested just to take a break and he accepted! That there were no fight, no scandal, just a decision transmitted to us with consideration and affection! That Sho said on news zero that they will return!

And you bet these 5 fabulous boys will give us the greatest 2 years of our lives!!!! Just wait for the Olympics and Ohno as Kouhaku Uta Gassen white team host!!! And then, on 2021, we will be all dead!

Or maybe we will gradually leaving the memory of that wonderful dream with 5 amazing boys in a corner of our hearts... (I think is was a dream...). Like a loved boyfriend that broke our heart leaving you because he wanted to try new stuff, but from time to time, you remember him, and smile.

Not to be able to ever have news about them... not to be able to see them... I feel that I am becoming ashy already. My life lost 5 colors. There is a hole in my soul soul...

I saw many tweets saying that we fans must not be selfish... But... shouldn't we be allowed to be selfish with the ones we love the most? They've been one of the brighter part in my life... I am mostly so detached, but I was really dedicated to them! I don't want to let go of those hands!!!

They even helped me through my father’s mourning !!!! Their songs followed me every day at work !!! I DON'T WANT TO LET GO OF THOSE HANDS!!

That all they have given me have strong roots within me! That I live with what they taught me. May this love never die! May I remain grateful for all that they have done for me!

I’m not an exemplary fan. I’m stubborn like Rīdā. I will just stay here, shrouded in their love and with thoughts of endearing for them.




I'll be back later



You go to bed and the world is OK. You wake up, and the world is not as bright as before.

2019 has indeed been a roller coaster for an Arashi fan... Everything changes in a second!

Laughter, tears, laughter, tears, laughter, tears.

Gosh, I had no idea of what Japanese Idols were seven years ago, and now, here I am, today, feeling so down.

And this is so silly that makes me even more down!

He is my Ichiban. Or was... I don't know! 

I am feeling so... petty right now. And this is not my normal me. Maybe that's why I am feeling sick in my stomach. This alien, meany emotion!

I am sad today. Maybe tomorrow it will pass. But I am scared with being down because of a person that I will never meet. This is terrifying! And I think that I need to distance me a bit...

During the last years, roaming around LJ, I saw a lot of Senpai fans that walked away from the Fandom to live their lives... Maybe I should do that...

The irony. Just when they are seeking to get close to fans all around the world with all the SNS!

I should have noticed the danger when they announced the hiatus and I felt so without ground! I were too much involved!!! I squeezed Arashi in my life and they grown in it!

Nino... is my Ichiban... I think...

I am really sad today, having petty feelings . Thinking only about my sorrow and not on his happiness. Happiness that he has been nurturing for five years...

Also, I let the Japanese fans poisoning me... Every time that I did a search for 二宮和也 that old woman would appear... and my heart cracked. Sometimes I would enter the sites and I got horrified! My Ichiban made me sad sometimes.

And I am not long enough in the FanDom to be sad with the other four too LOL But that could have happened, after all, they are human. We are human. Human make mistakes. Human hurt. Human are human. Arashi is perfect, but only in my eyes!

Since the announcement from January that my general interest in Japan decreased considerably! But I insisted in keeping a firm hold on the boys! I have so many wonderful memories from what I could watch online and from DVDs!!! All of this doesn't vanish suddenly.

But I am really sad today.

I hope it passes. I want to feel all the joy that Arashi give us! 

And I thought nothing could be worse than a hiatus for a fan LOL Oh, the naive me! I must embrace myself for when he tell about the baby. Yes, because, if she want kids, she must hurry. Tic tac, tic tac...


baby steps II

Until today I don't understand why I fell so hard for Arashi! I mean, I was a girl crazy for Hollywood movies! I didn't loose one release at movie theaters!!! My favorite movies were from Golden Era (40's to 60's) and horror movies! I loved to dance American music!!! House Dance, Rhythm and Blues, Pop, Rock!

As I said, I had no relation with Japan.

Now, so many of my preferences revolve around Arashi. I lost track of Hollywood movies. My track list on my smartphone and notebook? J-Pop! And you don't hear that nowhere around here! Family parties, wedding parties, pool parties, pubs, radio stations....

J-movies on movie theaters here? In your dreams!!! (although seems that 君の名は is going to air here....). Is so frustrating! There are so many amazing movies, dramas that the whole world should watch to!!!

I fell for Arashi, but I confess now that my attention was divided.

First, it was Jun! His looks, his energy, his attitude!!! I didn't imagine someone like him could exist!!!

Then, my Ichiban, Neen ♥ The cutest kitten!!!

For a long time my attention was only for these two!!! I only looked for them!!!

A bit later, Sho's lips got my attention. To me, Sho was manly, intelligent, from a imposing family, good-two-shoes and angry LOL I loved him and feared him at the same time! Still do!!!

The friendship between Nino and Aiba and the shameless skinship between Sho and Aiba, made me have a bit of interest in the Miracle Boy. From time to time, the interest grows or fade. Depends on what he is doing. But yes, he is beautiful, has
an incredible smile and I believe that he is not the fool some people believe!

About Rīdā.... Oddly, he was the last to get my attention, and when he got it, I has head over heels for him!!! Now I know that what kept me away from him was jealous!!! I was jealous of all the intimacy he have with my Ichiban... I know... I am stupid!!!! I wanted to be on his place...

But, when I started noticing him near Jun (live tours and magazine issues)... I liked it. I think that I started to really see and love our Rīdā last year, watching to SekaMuzu! That was the last bastion to fall and I was his! And it was so smashing that also started to luuuv "blond" Rīdā!!!

Since I started to be an Arashi fan, no other Johnny's talent got so deep into my heart like Arashi.

For all these almost five years my only interest has been Arashi.

But because of them, every time I saw another Idol or celebrity loving Arashi, I automatically wanted to know who they were! Aside from Ikuta Toma, that was my first Johnny's and is a loved one, I got to know a little about TOKIO, V6, Hey! Say! Jump!, Sexy Zone and Higashiyama Noriyuki. And I like the little I known!

I have some points of personal shame, tough.... I couldn't be able to like SMAP and Takeuchi Yuko.....

And I feel bad about it. Because SMAP is a Senpai to be respected. I listen to very few SMAP songs trying to find a spark... Nothing. I try to fall for KimuTaku watching to Asunaro Hakusho and to I'm Home... Nothing. I have a liste of dramas to watch to... I need to like at least him, since Nino admires his acting skills and they will work together!!!!

Takeuchi Yuko. Nino has a crush on her. This is tough. I thought that through "Natsu no Koi" would be easy since Jun was the King of Romance and he is so delicious with older women.... but, no!!! Nothing!!! I was shocked!!! I did not feel any chemistry between them!!! I couldn't even finish to watch the drama!!! 。・゚゚・(>д<)・゚゚・。 And Jun was soooo hoooot with that hair, and that waist, and with that cute little girl!!!

When I listen to Love Rainbow I think of Jun and Ohno cuddling on that sofa ♥ ♥

Arashi is my North.

Sometimes, surfing through post on LJ, I see people saying "I am a Kanjani 8's fan, but now I am an Arashi fan", or "I am an Arashi and Kiss My Foot's fan" and I try to imagine me on this situation. Or other times, I see a nice old comment and I look for the fan's blog and see that the person's blog as no updates since 2009, 2010, and I wonder if this will happen to me....

I love Arashi so much!!! I don't want to stop!!!!

Johnny's Countdown 2016-2017

Only now I was able to watch to the entire Johnny's Countdown 2016-2017!

Watching to the Johnny's all together I could sort my preferences.

Well, Arashi is my world, but besides them, I have some interest in the others, although I know very little (or even nothing) about them.

I created a little ranking:

1º V6 - songs - choreography - beauty - curiosity

2º TOKIO - songs - curiosity

3º Higashiyama Noriyuki - choreography - beauty

4º Hey! Say! JUMP - beauty - curiosity

5º Sexy Zone - beauty - curiosity

6º Tackey & Tsubasa - beauty - curiosity

7º Kinky Kids - curiosity

Shouldn't Toma have been there?? I love him.

Japanese lessons vacation T_T

In my Japanese lesson of this week, I've learn some common advices that parents give their children.

Very good advices, but not that easy to follow.... I iked the "すぐ諦めるな" one. Don't give up soon! And my Sensei and I talked abou how important is to finish what you start. This is something that I do because I always was like that. During my school days, in every course that I took, at my job, every task that I decide to do.

Things have beggining, middle and end! Life makes a little more sense this way.

[Arashi] RO69 - Japonism DVD review

Originally posted by say_it_again at [Arashi] RO69 - Japonism DVD review
There was a review of the Japonism DVD making the rounds on Twitter that I really enjoyed and decided to translate. The review came from a Japanese website with a predominant interest in rock music and I enjoyed the fact that it focused a lot more on the production side of things.

Enjoy, and feel free to share your own thoughts on the concert!

Collapse )